If you’ve ever had relaxed hair, you know how it feels to wake up every day. Take your scarf off, use your wide tooth comb to release your wrap, then go. Relaxed hair care is so quick, so simple, and so easy.
The relaxer mindset has conditioned many of us because having relaxed hair is directly linked to societal acceptance and easier hair care. This mindset has made understanding natural hair more difficult than it needs to be.
Many of us have been conditioned by the relaxer mindset.
I’m not against relaxers. I LOVED my hair when it was relaxed, but I struggled with the burning and upkeep. I had to address my “why” even further, which may not be the same for everyone. But before I explore that, allow me to share why I went natural in the first place.
I had beautiful shoulder-length relaxed hair with honey-colored highlights. I’d been rocking a relaxer since I was 13. I experienced breakage in my nape area about ten years in, so I cut my hair in a bob. Not my first choice, but I ended up loving it. A year later, my hair had grown back to the original length but with the SAME damage.
Distraught, I took a pair of scissors and chopped it all off. I was bald.
Bald and emotional.
What did I do, and why was I so impulsive?
I wore wigs and weaves until my hair grew long enough for braids. I took my hair down and cleansed it only when it was time to restyle. One day, about two years after my big chop, I noticed my curls and was curious. I went to sally’s to find natural hair products and the internet for help.
I had the key to establishing an unhealthy relationship with my natural hair. My relaxer mindset of using oils and products to take care of my hair copied over to my new natural lifestyle.
So now, let’s backtrack a bit. My reason for no longer relaxing was due to damage and breakage. If my hair hadn’t experienced breakage, I could quite possibly still have relaxed hair. In the beginning, I hid my natural hair because I wasn’t a fan of afros and thought that was my only option. My relaxed mindset conditioned my way of looking at myself. Without relaxed hair, I thought I’d be unattractive and single for the rest of my life. Because why would anyone want me to be with me? The toxic conditioning was a mess.
A hot mess.
It took being brave first and foremost to not only find comfort in others seeing my hair but in me genuinely accepting it. That was the first and most challenging step. Then, I had to unlearn everything I thought to be true about natural hair and relaxed hair, for that matter.
It took being brave, first and foremost, to grow comfortable in others seeing my natural hair. It took, even more, to learn how to genuinely accept and appreciate the hair that grows from my head. Finally, I began understanding natural hair.
Unlearning the relaxer mindset included things like:
- Water is my hair’s worst enemy.
- Using oils and butter to moisturize and style my hair.
- Crowdsourcing info from strangers on the internet.
- Natural hair doesn’t need trims.
- I can’t have straight hair when I want
If you have got this far and have ever had a relaxer, I take it you are either challenging or already challenged your own relaxer mindset. If you are considering going natural, let me tell you, it is just as beautiful (if not more) on the other side.
I can’t remove the centuries of struggles and discrimination passed down from generations. But I can share with you what I know, and I can be a resource for you here on the blog and in any of our premium salon and Home Hair Care Academy’s digital training center services. I hope you continue your journey of understanding natural hair and simplifying your life. Cheers, Curlfriend!